boeshane_boy

Entry tags:

Ω 05

[Private to Angelica Sexby]

We haven't met, ma'am, but I promised Armand I'd ask if he could borrow some of your clothes, while this flood continues. He's uncomfortable, and I think getting him in clothes that fit will help him relax.

[Private to 11-12]

Hey. I hear you're in the infirmary. How you holding up?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I suppose I'm feeling a bit better. Martha talked to you? She mentioned you were a friend of hers.

Oh, we go way back, she and I. Couldn't ask for a better friend. She does have a habit of worrying, though.

She doesn't have to worry. I'm fine.

She said that you'd be the best person to talk to but I don't know what we should talk about...

... Why do you look like a girl right now?

I could think of a few things. Do you like cards? I could bring a back by, and we could have a game.

Oh, the flood. Not the first time I've been a woman, though I think I'll enjoy it while I can.

Another flood...

I-- All right.

It could be worse.

Great. Be right there.

[11-12 had slept for some after Martha had left him and he was glad that it had mostly been a peaceful one this time. Or maybe his brain just wasn't remembering his dreams as it was so exhausted right now. He then had noticed the note from Jack and after he'd finished answering he gingerly sat himself up in his infirmary bed and waited for his/her arrival. He had been too ill to notice that so many people had been affected by the flood - Martha had looked normal, as had many of the people he'd seen in the infirmary.]

[Maybe the infirmary was shielded somehow. Jack wondered just that as he wandered in, pack of cards in his hand. It didn't take too long to find 11-12, and he dragged a chair to his bedside.]

Nice to finally meet you. Still feeling okay?

[He still looked very tired but he gave Jack a brighter smile than he'd had the past few days.]

Good to meet you in person at last too. Even though... you don't quite look like that normally.

I'm... [Here he faltered and hesitated a bit.] ... recovering, I guess.

No, I don't. But I'm enjoying it. [Sitting down, he crossed his legs and frowned, vaguely sympathetic.] Dying hurts. Not really worth it, most of the time.

[He sighed and looked down.] It... really does hurt. I kind of welcomed the pain. [He bit his lip.] It stopped all the bad thoughts.

Want to know a secret? [He pulled out the cards, shuffling as he pulled a table over. Jack leaned toward 11-12, conspiratorial.] I've died before. A lot. Lost count, actually. Hurts every time. Those thoughts always come back.

[He let the cards' noises fill the air for a moment.] What kind of thoughts were you trying to get rid of?

.... Murder. Bad memories.

[He nodded slowly, dealing a hand for poker.] Yeah. Those memories don't stay away. You know how to play poker?

Ah, yes. A little...

[He looked a bit confused by Jack's manner, wondering why Martha thought he could help him.]

[He wasn't the only one wondering. Jack had no idea how to do this. He just handed 11-12 his cards, and looked over his own hand. Christ.]

Want to talk about it?

[He glanced at the cards and knowing that Martha wanted him to speak up, he nodded.]

I'm supposed to. That's the purpose of this place, isn't it?

I just don't seee how you would understand.

[Hell if he knew.] Yeah, I think so. We won't know unless you try, though. If I don't understand, we'll find you someone who does.

How much did she tell you about me?

That you think being gay is just about the worst thing in the world to be. [No point tip toeing around it.] Do you think that?

[He winced and looked away as if he was ashamed.]

It would be much better - much easier - if I was normal.

[Jack reached up, catching 11-12's chin and turning his head back.]

You are normal. There's nothing wrong with liking men.

[11-12 looked at him but flinched and looked very uneasy.]

People have told me that here and it does feel good when I'm with another man but it... never works out. They treat me horribly afterwards. One told me that I sickened him by what we did.

And back home... I had to kill my lover. We couldn't be together. It wasn't considered to be right or normal and I had to do it.

[There were tears in his eyes and he was trembling now.]

[Jesus. Jack could feel his throat get tighter, and he shifted his hand to cup 11-12's cheek.]

I'm sorry. Some people handle those experiences very badly; it's not fair that you had to share those experiences with them. But just because one man acts like an asshole is no reason to think it's your fault. You didn't do anything wrong.

[Except for the murder, but who was he to talk?] Don't let anyone tell you you aren't normal.

They said even if they did like men that I was... they just just said some awful things about me. Am I that repulsive?

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