boeshane_boy

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Ω 08

Strip twister. The twentieth. No danger of flying balls. Well - not the rubber kind. Anyone interested, stop by my room. Level three, room fifteen. I think everyone could use the lift after that mess in the dining hall.

Speaking of, any new information on that? I saw someone was looking into the radiation.

Saxon, you've been quiet. That keeps up, you'll give me an ulcer. I don't like ulcers. Tell me you're not wearing those awful clothes anymore.

Did anyone get hit by this that I really ought to know about?

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It does to me and perhaps to God. I broke an oath, and betrayed a man to whom I owed my own life. He nearly died. [His voice isn't faint, but very low and rough with regret.]

[I just happen to be awake tonight.]

Edited 2010-04-03 05:15 (UTC)

Could be worse, Armand.

(((I envy your awakeness.)))

[Oh, how he's tempted to ask how, but he can think of at least two ways it could be worse.] Of course, you're right, but that it isn't worse is none of my doing.

[Jack smiles, just a little, and shakes his head.] You don't have to be the hero, you know. Not being the hero doesn't make your honor disappear.

[He grits his teeth to keep from retorting to that too quickly. Armand doesn't have the energy actually to argue with someone. So when the speaks, his words aren't particularly hot.] Tis dishonorable though to betray a man to certain torment. I feel the in my heart. I know I did wrong by him, and I cannot fix it.

[Okay, that he can understand. Jack runs a hand through his hair.] Why can't you?

It's done. Percy rescued himself. He wanted me nearby but he didn't need my help. And he asked me to keep lying to Margot, my sister. [By now, Armand has no idea why he's telling Jack more than he's told anyone else on the Barge. Some knew because they'd read the book, but Armand doesn't know that particular Orczy book exists. He's read a few of the others.]

[Jack stays silent for a while, picking at imagined dust on Armand's blanket.] What was he asking you to lie about?

[He finally looks back over, though not right into Jack's face.] He wants me not to tell her what I did to him. She's married to him. Percy is my brother-in-law. So if something should ever happen to him she won't be estranged from the only family she'll have left.

[He nods, certainly not trying to meet Armand's eye. He's a little absorbed in his own thoughts for a moment, remembering his daughter walking away from him.]

That's not so bad, in the long run.

I feel trapped. He's left me nothing to get back my honor with. I cannot confess to Marguerite. I dare not explain to my wife. There is nothing I can do for him. So I came here.

[Armand is so upset, probably because he feels weak and restless in bed, that he isn't noticing Jack's own distress. He's just assuming that Jack disapproves.]

You must think I'm terrible. I am so sorry to bother you with these things.

[Oh, that gets a laugh, and Jack, tactile man that he is, reaches out to squeeze Armand's hand.]

I don't think you're terrible at all. I think you're blaming yourself more than you have to. How long have you been here helping people?

[Comforted by the attention, Armand tries to smile for Jack. It does feel good not to be vilified, no matter what he's telling himself in his own head.]

A bit more than a year, I think. I've not graduated anyone.

[He shrugs.] The way I hear the Admiral likes screwing with us, I don't think that matters much. You're here. You're helping people. I think that counts.

You don't think the Admiral is a trustworthy person? Sexby said something like that. I have been wondering if he was right. That good work can offset past wrongs, even in the hereafter. I'd hate to die and end up here. [nervous laugh]

[A low chuckle.] I don't think I'd mind it. Don't know if the Admiral's trustworthy or not, either, but it doesn't bother me much. I didn't make much of a deal with him.

I knew that my "deal" would be more my own doing than... a magical fix. There is time here I don't have at home. [He's trying to deal with this soberly. He doesn't want to break down and wibble at Jack.]

[Jack appreciates it. Wibbling is hard not to wibble at.] What deal did you make?

I just wanted the time and the chance to do some good, until I can forgive myself. Then perhaps I can ask God. [He drops his chin down and sniffs.]

[Uh-oh. Jack squeezes his hand a little tighter.] Well you've got a good damn chance, then.

Thank you, Jack. [He lets out a long breath.] I think I may need to rest now. Can we talk again when I'm better?

Sure. [Jack stands, patting Armand's hand as he straightens.] So long as you're better soon.

I think I will be. I want my own bed! [a small laugh] Take care of yourself.

You too, Armand. You'll be back in it soon enough.

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Ω 08

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